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Green Flags

Hi my lovelies, I hope you all are having an amazing weekend wherever you are.

This post is short and sweet, as the overthinker that I am, and considering what ive been through in life, I don’t believe anybody. I am, unfortunately not the type of person who sees the best in people, I actually expect the worst from the onset and its actually surprising when people show that they are good.

However I am also a hopeless romantic. Contradictive right? Now imagine how my love life would look like…….  I promise I am working on my trust issues, because believe I have lots of them (for proven reasons tho!)

Its easy to talk about red flags right, I for one belong to the school of thought that men are trash (but so are women) but these past few weeks I’ve been feeling very lovey dovey. I watch couples post their romantic videos and I enjoy the moment for them and hope it’s the same behind the lenses

So today, lets talk green flags!

DISCLAIMER: This post only concerns good women who match their men’s energy. All of you who only give your men boxers and singlet, please do me a favor, go and work on yourself and spoil that man sis. He deserves it.

Green flag 1: When he’s kind. When he treats people, especially those who don’t serve him, with pure respect and kindness. Huge!

2. When he’s thoughtful. Different people exhibit these qualities differently so there’s no manual for these things right but imagine a man being like I was listening to this song and thought of you and actually sends it, that’s a love language on its own. When hes out and about or can’t come to the phone, you get that little hey I’m just busy right now, ill call you later, instead of just ignoring you till he feels ready to speak…. When he checks up on you when hes out with his friends, you get that little hey mama how you doing, how’s your day going…. Listen, I could go on and on

3. When he’s proactive…. To me this is also a love language on its own. I saw this needed to be built, I can be of help, I knew you were arriving at this time so I made food, or I ordered food.

When he plans the date without waiting for you hint that he hasn’t taken you out in a hot minute?

When he’s proactive about developing your relationship, whether it’s starting the conversation first about something he didn’t appreciate or booking a trip, or just little things like letting you know when his plans have changed without you coming across as a nag because he understands that it’s the little, meaningless things that actually matter.

4. When he listens and implements (to the best of his abilities). This right here. Effort is so sexy. Effort is so romantic and most times it’s the thought that really counts. Imagine you mentioning something in a casual conversation, and he goes ahead and plans whatever you wanted. It could be as little as doing things around the house or you wanting to be treated a certain way or you expressing discomfort about something. It could be anything, but he listened and he didn’t wait for you to nag about it because that’s what men describe as nagging, when they have to hear the same thing over and over again. You could just want something to change but all they hear is criticism. But don’t we all want our romantic relationships to work?

Aren’t we both responsible for fixing it and making sure we both feel prioritized in each other’s lives? And once again, it could be the smallest things but what’s small to one person may be a big deal to the other person.

Another important aspect in this is when a person recognizes your silence and listens. Silence sometimes speaks volume. Don’t always assume the other person is angry or giving an attitude. Most times, in my case, baby one text saying Mama what’s wrong, I’ll probably start crying because I may just be exhausted by everything. An “I love you” text would probably make me blush from ear to ear and when you really don’t know the way forward, just ask what the problem is and what you can do to make your person feel better. Active listening is a necessity for a healthy long-term relationship.

5 When he’s empathetic. A man who has the ability to recognize when you feel a certain type of way, he may not necessarily identify with those emotions, but when he has the ability to recognize when you need love and actually gives you some reassurance AAAAAH Attractive AF

When he shows compassion in situations like that and makes you feel validated…MY GOD.

As usual, I am a woman so I speak on what women may need. However, if your man is doing all these things SIS you better treat that man like the king that he is. Contrary to what men believe, women are submissive by nature (my opinion!) but a woman can only tap into her feminine side when she feels secure and safe in her relationship.

What one woman needs may not be what the next woman needs but trust me when I say, when a man makes a woman feel secure, watch your relationship flourish like never before.

When we talk about men being providers and protectors, we always refer to financial security and if he can fight.

But are you providing her with emotional security?

Are you providing reassurance once in a while?

Do you make her feel safe to love you?

I am naturally an overthinker, but I have never overthought a situation if I didn’t have reasons to. So, are your actions protecting her from that?

A woman was created to be loved, are you loving her the right way? Because if you are then watch her give you all the respect and love that you need and more.

Its so many green flags to go through but for now chin up and read Isaiah 41:10. ooh and I lied, I thought it would be short and sweet but i got carried away.

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Stop Expecting You From Them

One of the best pieces of advice we all can learn from is to stop expecting You from Them.

Let’s let that sink in. It may not always be easy because as humans we love and the good ones treat you a certain way and expect the same treatment back, I know I have and then you get disappointed because you are thinking, I would have never done you like that.

People will not show up for you the same way you show up for them.

People will not have the same level of loyalty to you as you may have to them.

Especially in relationships, things that may seem important to you, just may not be as important to the other person and just because when it comes to them you show interest, doesn’t mean they will have the same level of commitment when it comes to you.

Just because you are consistent, supportive and you are willing to do certain things, does not mean you will be met with the same level of intention and effort. And that is ok because you are not them and they are not you!

People also have freedom of choice. Sometimes they may be unwilling and sometimes they lack the capacity. Either way you have to recognize that just because you show up a certain way for people, does not mean they will show up in the exact way for you. You are not them and they are not you.

Chin up and read Isaiah 41:10.

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The Great Dad Vs. The Average Mom.

Happy Mother’s Day to only the beautiful, involved, supportive, present, healthy, positive mothers, single mothers, stepmothers, mother figures, and bonus mothers. Hell happy Mother’s Day to the single fathers who have their kids most of the time and do all the work, they are being mommy and daddy at the same time right?

Before we get into this post, here’s a disclaimer:

I acknowledge that not all dads are deadbeats.

I acknowledge that there are some great, involved, and present fathers out there.

I acknowledge that there are women who keep fathers away from their children.

I acknowledge that women also abandon their children. I am in no way against men or fathers. In fact, it’s the opposite. I love men and I love seeing fathers fully committed to their children.

However, this post is about the double standards women/mothers face in our society…

Don’t you guys find it interesting that what makes a great dad, is usually what’s considered the average mom? Let that sink in…

Why do we criticize the single mother for staying, instead of criticizing the man who impregnated her and left her with all the responsibilities of raising a child on her own? Didn’t it take two to tango anymore? I am extremely confused.

I hear people always saying oh well it’s the woman who must do this, it’s the woman’s job to protect herself since its her life is going to change blablabla, all valid points… However, if you’re old enough to lay there naked in between a woman’s legs, then you’re old enough to carry your responsibilities, don’t you think? If he didn’t want kids, then he should have kept it in his pants. Sorry did you miss the part where protection is never 100% solid?

It is expected of the woman give birth, nurture these kids, keep the household in check, make sure her man is emotionally and sexually satisfied because if she doesn’t, he’s gonna look outside. Keep herself sexy for her man because once again let’s remember that MEN are visual beings and its very important that we give up our entire existence to keep them. But while she’s doing all these things, she also must go to work and pay half the bills because you know what, what else do you bring to the table woman if you ain’t helping to pay the bills? But hey her educational background should not be too high because men don’t like the competition. After all, he is the head of the home.

Have you ever heard someone ask a man how he juggles a wife and kids and still manages to work? I haven’t either.

Have you ever heard someone ask a man in a bar where he left his kids?

Why does putting my child’s father on child support make me money hungry? Isn’t it his responsibility to contribute to the child’s welfare just as it is mine? I’m sorry, I am extremely confused.

Why is a father doing his fatherly duties considered great? Once more, I am extremely confused.

Some fathers really say rubbish like “babysitting my kids”. I’m sorry, do you not know the definition of a “dad”? are you an illiterate? Do you need me to break it down for you?

I have been called damaged good. Has anyone ever called a single father damaged good? Actually, they are considered cute and responsible because they are sooooo involved and they stayed.

Should the single dad not have known that the person he’s having a baby with was trash? Didn’t she show the signs? He should have definitely known better! Afterall the woman clearly said she didn’t want a baby so why lay with her? And who cares if he was once married and is now a widower perhaps? Still should have known better.

How often does a man, in a two-parent household, have to meticulously plan ahead of time because he needs to find a babysitter?

We speak so much about single mothers but actually, it is the person who left that’s responsible for the child not growing in a two-parent household. Isn’t it questionable that most single parent household consists of just the mother? Don’t you find that suspicious that that’s the norm? men raised by single mothers, grow up to create more single parent household and we bash single mothers, yet a single father is responsible.

So, here’s a guide on how to be a great dad:

  • Be present
  • Provide for them
  • Babysit them occasionally.
  • Feed them.
  • Play with them.
  • Once in a blue moon, take them out. Don’t forget to post on social media to let the world know.
  • Pay your child support. If you don’t feel like it, you don’t have to. After all she’s just using your money to live life. And its also her responsibility to make sure them kids are tight.

A guide on how to be an average mother:

  • Be present. You chose to have them kids.
  • Provide for them. It is your responsibility.
  • Take care of your kids. In this case, it’s not babysitting.
  • Feed them. Don’t forget to cook for that grown man as well.
  • Play with them. I mean, what have you been doing the whole day?
  • Take them kids out. They need fresh air, and their minds need stimulation. No need to post. Nothing to see there.
  • If you aren’t together with your baby daddy… sorry child’s father… do not put him on child support. It is your sole responsibility to make sure them kids, that you chose to have, are taken care of. Besides why so money hungry? Can you not see that you have so much support around you? What do you need the money for?

Once more, Happy Mother’s Day to all you average moms out there. Enjoy your day. Be chinning up and continue reading Isaiah 41:10.

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My Trauma Response

Has anyone been through something so traumatic, it shaped your whole character??

You guessed it; we all have right. I was recently told that I do not let people talk. And that was an accurate statement.

Up until the age of 12, I grew up in a very loving environment. I was loved, I felt heard, I felt seen, every positive thing you can think of.

Then I moved to an environment, where suddenly, I was being silenced. An environment, where I was meant to be seen and not heard. An environment, where I dared not have an opinion and certainly not voice it. I was to be seen when I was needed to run an errand or do chores. I was to accept whatever doctrine that was passed down to me. I was to accept whatever profession that was chosen for me. Whatever punishment that was given to me without being able to defend myself.

And you never know how your childhood shapes you, until you are forced to face these things in whatever relationship you find yourself in, especially romantic ones.

Recently I was told, I don’t let people talk in an argument. Furthermore, that it was my tactic. And I had to pause for a moment.

I recognize that I actually don’t. However, it is not a tactic. I don’t do it intentionally.

I had been accustomed to not feeling seen and heard that now I feel the need to explain myself repeatedly because I never feel understood. Now whether or not the other person is understanding my point is irrelevant in this situation. I have put in my head that this person does not understand what I am saying and therefore I must repeat myself until I feel heard.

This attribute does however the exact opposite of what I’m intending. Regardless of how often I try to get my point across, my partner only understands criticism and I leave the impression that I’m pointing a finger at my partner’s wrongdoing when in essence it’s not my intention. But we don’t always see people’s intentions, it’s the actions that we see.

Irrespective of the situation, my instant trauma response is to either overcompensate or to shut down, both go into the extreme, there’s no between. Its not always healthy. Do I want to work on it? Yes. Do I succeed all the time? Definitely Not. But we move and keep on working on these negative traits. After all, aren’t we all a work in progress???

The first step is to recognize that these character traits exist and work on deconstructing them step by step. How, you may ask, I have no idea. when i figure it out, I promise to share.

Maybe we can talk about another trauma response of mine next time? Until then, chin up and read Isaiah 41:10.

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Motherhood part 2

I had a good cry last night. I don’t mean a tear was rolling down my cheeks, nah I mean bawling my eyes out. My son turned 4. A whole 48 months in this world. What can I say….my heart is heavy with memories and emotions.

Emotions I wish I could let out occasionally, but instead they stay built up because maybe there’s nobody to talk to, maybe there’s nobody who ’il understand, maybe everyone is busy, maybe I’m also just too emotional, a lot of maybes…the point is, these emotions build up over time until something happens, whether good or bad, that makes me reach this breaking point.

Single motherhood, I’m saying motherhood because I’m not a dad, I don’t know what single fathers feel,

However single motherhood can get lonely sometimes. Whether you chose it, or it chose you, at some point, especially if you’re like me and don’t have real support from family,

You will reach that breaking point more times than you may want to admit.

Some days are better and all it takes is me hiding in the toilet for a few minutes and some days are like this, where I question my entire motherhood journey and wonder if I’m even doing enough…

I mean I know its all in my head and I know I can’t do more than my best, which I believe I am, but there’s still that part of me that wants to do offer him so much more. I am also very aware that most of the things I stress about are material things, but I can’t help but stress about them

I wish I could have been able to give him a lavish birthday, now does he need it, probably not

These complexities have more to do with me than him. I wonder if people see me as a mediocre mother because I’m not financially stable and I don’t want that

I don’t want him growing up lacking anything at all….

My insecurities, complexities and struggle have a lot to do with me navigating between being a good mother, a good student, wanting to not just offer my kid a better life but also myself, (a girl’s got expensive taste ok!).

I don’t know what someone else may be struggling with but at the end we all must believe that in the end everything will work out for our good. Is it a business, is It money, are you battling with your mental health…whatever it is, I urge you not to give up. As long as you’re doing your best, everything else will eventually fall into place.

One may wonder why I do these obvious reminders…that is because no matter what someone may feel, you’re never alone

Someone else is feeling the same way or even worse and I speak from experience when I say, that sometimes hearing these reassurances said out loud by someone else goes a long way

So here you go… these reminders are for all of us.

  1. You are doing great
  2. You are not alone
  3. You should be proud of yourself for surviving all your bad days
  4. I cannot say this enough, but you are enough!
  5. Don’t forget to pray.

Now chin up and continue reading Isaiah 41:10.

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Show Up For Yourself

Isn’t the title already self-explanatory? It is but sometimes we still that reminder.

Two weeks ago, I got that harsh reminder that sometimes you will have to deal with stuff alone, voluntarily or involuntarily, it don’t matter. Something happened and my response was to reach out to someone and unfortunately, I felt the response I got was not appropriate. That led to a bit of back and forth but ultimately made me rethink my stand and remind myself that Sometimes people just won’t be there for you like that and its ok.

Your family, friends and lovers have lives and problems of their own. Sometimes people’s way of showing affection and concern also doesn’t always come across and therefore we lack the ability to understand their way of communication because its different from ours. Trust me, I know that for a fact!

We are all adults, and a lot of times other people are also trying to show up for themselves as well and some people just don’t have the capacity to be there for multiple people at once. Its already enough work trying to keep your mental health in an ok state when you’re battling your own demons.

So, when you find yourself in a position where people just aren’t being as supportive or encouraging as you would wish for them to be, you’ll have to depend on yourself.

Showing up for your own self may look different daily. Recognize what you need and give that to yourself.

You need space, then maybe drop your phone, turn it off, or my personal favorite, put it on do not disturb (DND).

You need a distraction, do something you love, get some work done, go to the gym, get out, vibe to some music, READ YOUR BIBLE, not the one on your phone hun, your paper bible (did y’all forget that still exists?). Isaiah 41:10-13 is always a good place to start, Romans 8:28, Joshua 1:9, Proverbs 3:5-6, i could go on but here are a few bible passages that may offer a word of encouragement.

You need a pep talk? Give it to yourself. Get in front of your mirror and tell yourself what you would like to hear.

Whatever it is you may need, never, ever give up on yourself because in the end, you are your best asset. Now go chin up and read Isaiah 41:10 and remember, you are never truly alone.

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6 Reminders In 2022!

Is it too late to go through some reminders for the year?? Meh I’ll tell you still…

This is what we’re doing this year:

  1. Be kind. Does this need elaboration? The answer is NO. Just be kind to people. You don’t have to know what they’re going through, hell they don’t have to be going through shit. You just be kind.
  2. Rest. Take a breather. Pretty self-explanatory as well. As a woman, a BLACK woman, we’ve long been deceived that we’re strong. You hear things like “strong black woman”. And for a long time, I thought I had to be. Baby listen, now, I am not strong. In fact, I am weak. I want to be weak. I want to be taken care of. I am delicate. I am an egg, because if you drop me, I break, so be careful with me. What am I even saying, I am a flower, don’t pluck me, just water me. Water me with love, with affection, with MONEY and all the good things in life.
  3. Welcome and embrace your growth. Being in a space of growth can be an uncomfortable place to be. For growth to take place, you have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Some people may not understand your journey and that’s ok. Growth does not mean that you won’t fall back into your old ways once in a while, but I hope we are all able to recognize it early enough, so we don’t fall into the same pattern.
  4. Stand your ground. When you believe you’re genuinely doing the right thing and not being an asshole to other people, stand your ground and do whatever it takes to keep your peace because, let me tell you, thou shall be tested. Take whatever precautions, whatever measures you think is right for you and maintain it. Don’t be shaken by people’s opinions of you, don’t be moved when people take a different stance than you, because everybody is entitled to their opinions. Besides opinions are like assholes, we all have one.
  5. Leave. Another self-explanatory point I believe.
  6. Shine. Just like Rihanna shine bright like a diamond. Don’t dim your light for other people. Work on getting rid of that imposter syndrome that you’re having. Accept the great opportunities coming your way. You’re not meant to struggle. Let that little light of yours shine and don’t worry about other people shinning at the same time because the same way the stars all shine together in the sky, is the same way we all can shine at the same time. The world is big enough to accommodate all of us. Just find your purpose and shine.

Now you guys know the drill, chin up and read Isaiah 41:10.

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Let’s Talk: Friendship!

Is it too late to wish you guys a happy new year? Hahaha……AAAAAHHHH Happy New Year my lovelies. It’s been a hot minute. I hope all of you have been chinning up and if you haven’t baby I am back and I’ve got you because we gon chin up together.

Listen, ive been thinking about something that I wanted to focus on and invest in more this year……which are my friendships.

And let me tell you, the only constant thing in life is change. Repeat after me CHANGE.

Like everyone else, once the new year ended you get into this rubbish reminiscing mode, and you write down your goals blabla… Tbh I have zero goals for this year. I am just winging it. I have certain things I want to have at least set in motion but that’s it.

However, one thing that was really on my mind is my friendships and the people I choose to share my time and energy with.

It all started when I was thinking about few of my schoolmates, who have unfortunately passed. And it was a wake-up call that life is too short and we should all be investing in friendships and people that equally invest in us.

Friendship breakups are real, they are uncomfortable and scary, but the truth is, some people just gotta go for better people to come. And if I didn’t know it then, I know it now…. friendship dynamics will change. And you will have to decide if some friendships are worth saving or if its time to let go.

That is one of the most difficult decisions we all will have to make in life unfortunately, to hold on or to let go. It don’t matter if its family, friendships, romantic relationships, career…the decision between holding on and letting go is inevitable.

Furthermore listen, please not everyone is your friend. Not everyone deserves to be your friend. Let’s learn to address people correctly. They may be your colleague, your old friend, your acquaintance, your subordinates, your fellow student….

And even amongst friendships, there are friends and there are FRIENDS. Some are only good for restaurants and party, some are good for banter, some you speak to every few months and it’s like you guys have always been in touch.

With some friends you share the process and with some you only tell them the end game and vice versa. Listen lets all know our places in people’s lives and act accordingly.

I was recently disappointed by a few friends because I felt like hey I should have known but I’m also working on acting according to how my so called friends treat me. Maybe I just wasn’t that important, and they didn’t think to share certain information with me, as disappointing as it may seem, that showed me that we may just may not be as close as I thought and that is okay. Don’t overdo it.

If they don’t invite you, don’t go and do not ask to be invited. If they don’t tell you, don’t ask. They don’t include you, go do your thing. Learn to be ok with not being invited, included, or even considered.

People invest in relationships that are important to them. And rejection isn’t even as personal as it seems. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be, maybe you weren’t their person, or they weren’t your person. Invest your energy in those that are also effortlessly investing in you, but without feeling entitled to anybody’s energy or time or whatever. People have freedom of choice, the same way you do.

Now you already know the drill, Chin up and read Isiah 41:10.

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Generation Fuck’d up

I woke up this morning thinking of how messed up and selfish this generation of ours is, myself included.

I shared these few points on my Instagram story, but I thought I’d share it here as well.

So here we go, Welcome to Generation Fuck’d up

Welcome to a generation, where showing affection and actual feelings is considered weak.

Welcome to a generation, where going out of your way to show up for your S/O is considered simping.

Welcome to a generation, where men need DNA tests for their kids and women need to somehow make peace with the fact that almost every man will cheat because nobody wants to be faithful.

Welcome to a generation, where everyone wants to feel love, but nobody can actually bring themselves to say words “I Love You” because it doesn’t come easy to us.

Welcome to a generation where words and actions don’t align.

Welcome to a generation where everyone wants romance, but nobody wants to be romantic (first).

Welcome to a generation, where a single dad is considered hardworking but a single mum? How dare she not have known better.

Welcome to a generation, where everyone believes they don’t owe anyone anything.

Welcome to a generation, where explaining yourself to your S/O is now seen as being controlled.

Welcome to a generation, where nobody wants to work or fight for anything because we believe in toxic mental health awareness.

Welcome to a generation, where in theory men are allowed to be vulnerable but once they do, we chastise them for it.

Welcome to a generation where we all want to take but we don’t want to give.

And finally, Welcome to a generation, where most of us are all fuck’d up and selfish.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, continue reading Isaiah 41:10.

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Mid-Night Confessions

Its 3:25am and I cannot sleep. I haven’t been in this mood where I cry myself to sleep in a long time. I think I need a hug.

I randomly came across the song “Like my father” by Jax and the lyrics just resonate with me in so many ways. But that isn’t what made me emotional. Its just the song that finally made me bawl my eyes out.

The lyrics goes as follows:

I wanna come home to roses and dirty little notes on post-its

And when my hair starts turning grey, he’ll say I’m like a fine wine better with age

I guess I learnt it from my parents, that true love starts with friendship

A kiss on the forehead

A date night

Fake an apology after a fight

I need a man who’s patient and kind

Gets out of the car and holds the door

I wanna slow dance in the living room like we’re 18 at senior prom

And grow old with someone who makes me feel young

I need a man who loves me like, my father loves my mum.

I, unfortunately, didn’t have parents who loved each other. Or better say I never witnessed my dad love my mum, so I don’t know what that would have looked like.

Moving with my father and his wife, there was no love either, so I guess its safe to say that the bar was…. Is really low.

As a young black or African girl child, you’re taught to behave a certain way, you learn to cook by a certain age, or at least you should. You should dress modestly. Go to church. You hear stuff like “is this how you will behave in your husband’s house”. An African girl child is groomed to be a wife to a man from a very young age but who teaches these boys, who eventually turn to be the men we marry, how to love.

A girl child is groomed to be nurturing, loving, submissive. Accept whatever BS the man brings to her because well, boys will be boys.

However, why aren’t these men raised to be the men that we eventually need.

A lot of boys don’t get taught that sometimes you should buy flowers. Sometimes just a “hey babe I saw these and I thought of you” goes a really long way. Why are boys not taught that well “girls will be girls” too.

Who teaches these men that a man actually taking care of his household, not just by providing, is not him “helping”

Who teaches these men that being romantic and affectionate towards your girlfriend/fiancé/wife isn’t being a bum or a simp but taking care of your woman, which is in fact your duty, just as it is hers to do same?

Why is the boy child not allowed to vulnerable without phrases like “boys don’t cry” or “man up”- this is why we have a bunch of damaged little boys in grown men bodies who don’t know how to be vulnerable and categorize women as “emotional being” because we demand men with emotional maturity.

So many men looking for “strong” women because their definition of strength is their mother who was a miserable single married woman for her entire adulthood.

Girls are taught to love but never taught about the signs to watch out for, for when you need to stop loving. When is it the right time to stop loving a man or better still when is it the right time to stop trying and just let the man go?

Boys, however, aren’t even taught to start loving. At least most do not…..

I drifted there……

The song also made me feel lonely. I do want to come back home to roses. To little surprises and little meaningful gifts that my man bought for me because he paid attention. I do want to slow dance like I’m 18 at senior prom and grow old with a man who loves me with all his being.

However, right now, in this very moment, I just wish I could pick my phone and hear my father tell me that this is just a moment, and it will pass. Even if it didn’t work out with my mother, I’m wondering why he couldn’t love me. Why did I not get the privilege of idolizing my father because he set my bar so high. Why did I not get a kiss on the forehead? Why was he not patient and kind with me?

Why did he not teach me what it means to be loved by a man? Am I that unlovable that even my own father couldn’t be around me?

How can another man love me correctly when my own father couldn’t …..

Its 4:09am and I think I’m drifting again. Does this post even make sense….

This is the first time in a long time that I feel lonely…so cheers to that