Happy new year my lovelies. We made it into the new year, I hope everyone crossed over healthy and happy despite the current pandemic. As usual I guess we all make new years resolutions, some write down their goals, some make long term goals and some short term. Whatever the case may be, I pray that all your heart desires come to pass, I pray that the will of God be manifested in all your lives.
30.12.2020, 23:47pm. Perfect times for the brain to wander and reminisce on life. Maybe I am feeling like this because the last day of the year is just 10 minutes away but Moses Bliss- Too faithful has been on repeat for hours now. This song means a lot to me, this song has distracted me from a lot of dark thoughts, this song has given so much strength in times of need, this song has reminded me why I must hold on, no matter what. Simply put, this song has gotten me through most of my darkest days.
You know the saying that goes “patience is a virtue”, yes, a virtue that most of us lack. We often perceive waiting as a bad thing. Well, I am here to tell you that waiting is in fact a good thing. We are so quick to give up or get discouraged when things do not go our way. I do not know about you guys, but I tend to question God, “God why me?” You cannot even begin to imagine how many times I have gone on my knees, how many times I have laid in bed, holding my son tight, shaking, and questioning God, trying to seek answers. Desperately in need for him to say something. Even if it is just a reassurance that everything will eventually make sense. But hey God´s ways are not our ways right.
Rejection is something each and everyone of us will have to deal with at some point in life. It is an experience that can be hurtful and harsh while going through it and sometimes the feelings lasts for a long time, however it is just a part of life that we must deal with to reach our full potential or to grow, or maybe not.
Do not get me started on this form of abuse because…….CHILE! Gaslighting is a form of manipulation used by an abuser/ Narcissist to make you question your reality, therefore gaining power over you. You question your thoughts, your sanity, you question everything. Do not underestimate this form of abuse because honey it works and sometimes you do not even realize that you are being gaslighted until much later.
Now I promise you this is not how I intended to start off this blog but hey it is how I am feeling so just bear with me. But let us discuss motherhood and its struggles. I am tired. Yep, I said it T-I-R-E-D. Now do not get me wrong. Motherhood is a blessing that I would not trade for anything else, but it gets to a point where you are just tired. Exhausted is more like it. Mentally, physically, and emotionally.
I wish i could start my story with “once upon a time, there lived a princess in a big castle…”. Hey! I am a princess, no, a queen, but that is not where the story starts.
I am Congolese by blood, born in Lagos, Nigeria. I grew up mainly with my mother. My parents were never married. My dad left Nigeria long before I could even walk. I do not think he´s even in my first birthday pictures. He left in search of greener pastures I guess only that I did not really get to enjoy that, at least at first. I grew up with my mum, lots of aunties and uncles and loving grandparents. I remember my childhood to be fun.
One day at a time