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A season comes to end and just like that the new year has begun.

This year let us have a sense of direction for our lives. Be very aware of where you’re coming from, most especially, of where you’re going in life. In the same breath, be equally aware of where you’re definitely NOT going in 2024.

So, in the spirit of transparency, I’ll share with you 4 places I definitely WILL NOT be going in 2024

1. Above & beyond

2. The extra mile

3. Out of my way

4. Back & forth

Y’all have a great year. Be selfish with your time and energy because not everyone needs to experience you.

New motto of the year, psalm 46:10. Because this year, it’s all about being still.

I’ve had very stressful few weeks so you know I gotta talk about it……

I’ve been doing an Internship that’s unfortunately compulsory for me to finally graduate. This internship is unpaid. Unendowed. Unliquidated, unsalaried. Unrenumerated. Whatever word you want to use for it. I ain’t getting paid. Which is stress on its own. Have you seen these prices? I am unable to work because oh well this so called internship won’t allow it.

Furthermore, it’s cold season so everyone is getting sick, including my son’s teachers at kindergarten which subsequently leads to shortened opening hours, which in turn means I have to pick him up earlier. Which means I’m not able to work 8 hours a day, which means this internship will most likely take longer than anticipated, which means I have to come up with ways of making money while still trying to graduate because no internship, no graduation.

The mental load always surpasses the physical load. I am exhausted beyond comprehension. The amount of time I’ve sat on the edge of the sofa because I can’t even explain how tired I am from planning and executing and feeling bad and ashamed that I’m dependent on others to pick up my child from school….the most difficult part is being a good mother at 8pm when I’m exhausted, completely breaking down and not being able to go to bed because this little human still deserves a good parent no matter what my day looked like…..sometimes I fumble but we learn and move to the next day….

At this point, shout-out to the few people who have shown me so much grace and helped me with pick ups so far.

But this month has thought me the following

1. You are not entitled to anybody’s help. First of all, asking for help is a very courageous thing to do.

2. Just cause you asked for help, don’t mean you gon get it. People have lives, they have plans. The world doesn’t stop cause you’re having a crisis. They may not even be able to help even when they would want to. Tough luck

3. You are responsible for yourself. Fortunately or unfortunately. In my case if I ask a friend to help me out and they cannot, boy it don’t matter how important whatever is, best believe everything will have to wait because this little human will always come first.

4. Think twice before having them kids 😂

5. As a woman, have the amount of kids that you think you’ll also be able to cater to if you should ever have to pick up the tab alone.

6. This is perhaps the most important one, if you want kids, make sure you have them with someone who wants to be a dad and a husband. Not just a man who wants kids. Because raising a person alone is not easy. It has become so normalized but it is not the norm. It shouldn’t be. It’s not a trophy. Just don’t do it.

God really said I must belong to his strongest soldiers in this life by force!!! He really put my name on that list because even something seemingly works out, it still comes with hardship. But the end will be glorious. I would tell you to chin up but my chin is down but hey still read Isaiah 41:10.

Let me break it down for you. I am a young woman who is navigating parenthood with a non existent co parent.

I am a young woman who has chosen not to give up on her career despite the mess she put herself in.

I am a young woman who’s every tiny decision affects another humans life.

I am the first born daughter to both my African parents.

I am a young woman who has had to bear a lot of those financial and emotional responsibilities since I could remember.

I am a young woman who’s always been reminded of those responsibilities since I’ve developed my first memories.

I am a young woman who’s made her mistakes and has had to bear the consequences alone.

I am a young woman who’s been sexually assaulted by people she called “uncle”

I am a young woman who lays in bed at night wondering what’s next to come.

I am a young woman who somehow can’t have it all because even when something good is happening, I’m always thinking of how to navigate the down sides of the so called positive thing.

I am a young woman who mostly goes through things alone.

I am a young woman who barely has time for herself.

I am a young woman who always has something coming.

I am a young woman who has to make her own decisions at all times.

I am a young woman who has to lay in whatever bed she makes because there’s no savior out there.

I know I’m not smiling. I know I’m not speaking much. No I am not unhappy or sad. I’m probably just scanning through a series of things that are waiting for me to complete. I’m probably craving for someone to take some of the burden off my shoulders.

I am very content and happy because I know where I was and where I am. The progress is wild. Even when I don’t look the part, I am filled with gratitude.

I am not the person you should go to if you need my face to mirror my emotions. You’ll just get confused. This face remains straight. And yes there’s probably always something that I have to sort out. Again just because my happiness doesn’t manifest in a way that people understand, don’t mean I’m unhappy. Since people love to dictate other people according to their own personal lenses……

Please if you feel like once more there’s something with me, you should just ask for my PayPal or bank details…..