You know that seemingly healthy relationship that comes after a failed one? Yep, that’s pretty difficult if you ask me.
Everything triggers you. Each fight triggers break up thoughts. You think its better to push them away. You feel you’re better on your own. What if it fails again? What if they are not the one? The differences in the relationship are way too evident.
You overthink everything. You make up your mind on the failure of the relationship before the relationship even has the chance to become anything. You’ve already concluded that they are going to lie. They are going to cheat. They will not understand your situation. They will judge you and use your weakness against you. They will eventually leave.
What you’re doing is projecting. You are projecting how you see yourself on to someone else. I have caught myself do this a couple of times in different situations and with different people. It does not always happen in romantic settings but also in friendships.
I do not believe that I am good enough, therefore I project that in other relationships. I question what I bring to the table, as a result of this I automatically question my place and usefulness in the lives of other people.
Am I doing enough? Am I useful? What can I offer them? They will get tired of me. Putting into consideration that every relationship in this generation is transactional, I am always questioning what I bring to the table and my answer to this is sadly always nothing. I conclude that I am useless to other people. I attach my worth to a temporary situation that will change with time and I know that, however I just cannot bring myself to see beyond this temporary situation.
What happens when I feel like that is that I shut down. I sink into this big black hole and it takes a lot to come out of it. I do not call. I do not pick calls. I do not text. I ghost because I don’t feel needed.
Don’t attach your worth to material things. You are so much more than the car you drive, the place you live in or the amount of money in your bank account. There are good people who will make the conscious decision to stay in your life. There are good people, who will choose you, as a friend or a lover, over anyone else because they see beyond the mess so why can you not see beyond that?
As I tell you this, I tell myself. I am here for you. I am rooting for you. Work on yourself. Forgive yourself for your poor choices. Reset your mind about yourself. Reflect on yourself and your actions and embrace every inch of yourself because you have everything it takes to be great. You have everything it takes to be successful and you have the right to be happy. It is your birthright. There is always light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to find the strength to hold on because when you get to other side, it shall be glorious. Now chin up and read Isaiah 41:10.
One day at a time 