trustissues – One day at a time

This post is for ranting purposes only. I feel like ranting today.

First of all here are a few disclaimers:

Whatever I shall write in this post does not apply to all men.

Yes, I know women are equally trash.

I do not hate men. Quite the opposite actually and I love it when women speak highly of their men.

However, I am a heterosexual woman, dealing with only men and my friends are mainly also heterosexual who also only deal with men so yeah. I can only speak from my experience and the women around me.

Ok here we go,

What is it about men that makes them just relax after they’ve gotten the girl or the women they were so passionately chasing? Excuse me, but what nonsense behavior is that. Its like free trial period is over then they bring out their true colors.

Some stories that I have heard, seen or even experienced are actually very laughable because if we don’t laugh about it, we surely gon cry sis.

I am not really making an effort to differentiate between the married ones and the ones who are just dating or courting because just because the married ones aren’t washing their dirty lineage in public, don’t mean they ain’t suffering as well.

It’s like boy meets girl, everything is good. Boy is super romantic, appears to be emotionally intelligent, seems to be ambitious, has his shit together. In addition to that, boy does all the gestures that he knows would swoon his woman. Whether it be sending her some flowers, booking trips, planning dates or whatever it is the other party is interested in at the time. The man does all these things in hopes of impressing the woman or whatever and in return the woman obviously will reciprocate the energy.

So, boy meets girl, they fall in love, boy asks girl out and girl accepts. And then what do we do, we relax! Hmmmmmmmmmmm and that’s where trouble starts.

No dates, no flowers, no good morning beautiful, no hey mama what you need, I gotchu….nothing like that. Just boy and girl staring at each other. No random I love you baby messages….just crickets. PURE CRICKETS.

All of a sudden you start hearing stuff like “But I find it hard to express myself”, it didn’t seem so hard when you was chasing me tho. But you was posting me tho, now “I’m a private person”, are you sir or you just trynna keep your options open?

I don’t know if it’s the fact that society has conditioned us, especially black folks, to believe that women have to prove themselves just to be worthy of love. The concept of “struggle love” still very much exists. The more nonsense she accepts, proves that she loves you and would stand by her man no matter what. Excuse me sir, did you skip the part in the bible where the woman is only meant to submit and not love? Where does it state in the bible that I, a woman must love a man? Did you also skip the part where it clearly states that man should love his wife as Christ loves the church? Do we even know what that means?

Its like, if a man asks a woman to marry him, he thinks he’s doing her a favor so she has to earn it.

“Men settle down where they find peace”- aha ok, do I look like I want to settle where there’s trouble. Is it that men are the only ones who deserve peace because excuse me sir that peace you speak of was because you were also bringing me peace and now talking about “you’ve changed”. Of course I have changed. Treat me the way you used to when you were chasing me and watch me change back to the woman you had back then.

And yes, I believe that a woman in most cases is the responsive one. So how are you expecting to get what you do not give sir? From time to time speak her love language and watch her treat you like the king that you are, but men just be demanding from an empty vessel. Vessel you haven’t poured anything substantial into, in a very long time so where is the peace that you seek coming from?

I don’t want to blame our parents for how they raised their sons because at a certain age, everyone is responsible for their own actions, but I do believe that SOME mothers raised SOME entitled little kings who believe that the bare minimum will get them maximum results and it just don’t work that way.

I have so much more to say on this topic but even writing this is making me angry so I’m just going to stop here. I am not in any way disregarding that good men go through stuff in the hands of women who aren’t worth it so lets us pray to God that Good men meet good women so their love can flourish !

While we wait for somebody’s son to find us and love us healthily and openly some day, lets continue to chin up and read Isaiah 41:10.

Relationship Saga

Heeey my lovelies, I feel like it’s been forever! I just haven’t been inspired lately plus I’ve had a crappy week. I hope you guys are doing better than I am. I literally cried myself to sleep last night. Yes, that is how bad it is.

Mind you I never cry for one reason; it was all my feelings that I had been bottling in that got triggered by one thing and then everything just comes out.

But my friend and I had this very interesting discussion about relationships because when is someone not going through relationship stuff right!?

How many times does one have to forgive (the same) behavior before deciding to stay or let go?

How many times do we have to have a conversation about the same things before deciding that the relationship is not improving?

At what point does a relationship become toxic?

Is there an exact moment for these things?

In my course of dating, I have been lied to, I have lied, I have rejected, and I have been rejected, I even caught a guy that I liked sexting with his ex. The whole inappropriate texting was not the first time that had happened to me, and it made me so paranoid.

Point of correction, I have trust issues! When it happened to me the first time, I didn’t let go, I had developed the “he didn’t sleep with her” mentality (at least as far I knew of, he hadn’t slept with her/them yet).

When it happened again, the sexting itself was minor comparing to what really hurt me. It was someone we had extensive conversations about, someone “who didn’t mean anything”, as human beings like to say,

I could actually go and on about this matter because I have the ability to put myself back in a situation and feel everything again but we move.

Now sometimes I find myself wondering if I have become a toxic partner. I wonder if I project my fears and insecurities on to people who probably don’t deserve it. I guarantee you that I have not always been like this but it seems pain changes some things about you.

But why can’t human beings just be faithful tho……. Ok now I’m drifting from my initial thought

Back to my initial thought, we see so many couples who have been together for years and yet they are so unhappy, African parents are prime example, most of us kids boast of how our grandparents and parents were married for 30+ years and we also saw how unhappy they were, we saw how grandpa and daddy had 5 other concubines outside, suddenly mummy is raising a child that isn’t hers. A lot of the men from generations before us were physically and emotionally abusive, yet we label them “strong”.

So, I ask again, when do you hold on and when do you let go?

I’ve always admired people who have worked on their relationship and came back stronger, it doesn’t matter what threw them off course, but does it mean that the one who decided to let took the easy way out?

I find it interesting that most romantic relationship issues are mostly internal. The weapon fashioning against most relationships is always at least one person in the relationship.

Someone is either lying, cheating, not communicating effectively, not listening, texting other people, hiding their partner, not giving enough attention and so many other things. Can we just love each other and let the weapon fashioning against us actually come from outside and not from within?

Oh well I wish us all luck out here because its not easy. Don’t go creating fake scenarios and hurt your feelings (I am the queen of this).

Oooooh if you thought I had an answer to the above-mentioned questions, sorry I don’t. I just wing it myself. Hell, I’ve been cheated on when I should have seen the signs so if you have any Tipps for me, let a sis know.

Until we all find our soulmates in this life, we chin up and read Isaiah 41:10.