Tag: selflove

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I met someone

You know that relationship after a breakup, you are unsure because it seems like everything is too good to b e true? Well, I think I met someone. Would it be too forward to say I love him

He makes me really happy and I haven’t been really happy in what? A year maybe…….

S.I.K.E !! You thought I will tell you the full story (It’s unfortunate you can’t see me but I have my devilish smile on)

But hey, my love life is not up for discussion today. Until then here a few reminders for those of you out there who want to get back on the dating scene.

  1. PRIORITISE YOURSELF!!!!

Focus more on yourself and your needs. We tend to wonder too much about the other person. Whether or not they like us, we wonder if we’re good enough for them. Do they like the way we dress, eat etc. Switch up the narrative. Ask yourself if they are good enough for you. Do you even like them or are you too preoccupied with trying to impress them. Do you have fun with them?

2. Know What You Want But Be Realistic.

When you don’t know what you want, you will end up attracting all sorts of people. Confused people, lost people, abusive people, name it. And in the end, they end up pouring their negative energy into your cup and you get pulled back into some really dark place that you may have left behind.

Nobody has it all figured out, including you. Be realistic about what you want brought to the table. Be realistic about your “checklist” because one thing is certain, nobody will ever tick that checklist 100%. So, make sure you are aware of what is and is not negotiable. Take people as they are and not what you think they could be. Lastly, be realistic about what you are bringing to the table. What we are not trying to do is be hypocrites. It’s a give and take after all, you can’t just be receiving.

3. Rejection Is Not So Personal.

Ok I am not a fan of ghosting because I believe people should just say what they feel and say it with their full chest. Few people have the decency to express their lack of interest, but most people don’t, and when this happens, baby don’t take it personal. It most likely has nothing to do with you as a person. People lose interest in people every day, hell you might lose interest in someone, and it wouldn’t be personal. Moral of the story is: Your worth does not diminish just because one person was not or lost interest in you.

4. Be Honest.

This is self-explanatory. Be honest with yourself and with the other person. Be honest about your feelings and intentions. Feelings change and when they do, make sure to communicate them. Know when to hold on, know when to leave. Don’t be afraid to start over.

If the other person is giving you hints, take them hints, don’t force yourself on people, there is so many fish in the sea. Tell yourself the gospel truth and move on.

5. Be Patient.

Also, very self-explanatory. Nothing good comes easy.

How does the saying go: what comes easy won’t last and what lasts won’t come easy. There’s no need to rush, that’s when you settle for just anyone and make long term mistakes that may cost you a lot of pain and heartbreak. Be patient, take your time. Get to know people for who they are. Get to know yourself for who you are with those people.

Whilst you’re dating, don’t forget to pray, read your bible, and put whoever you are dating in prayer because the devil may just send you one of his disciples disguised in everything that you want. Now chin up and read Isaiah 41:10.

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Girls Talk

I feel like it’s been such a while…. I hope everyone is doing great. I am ok. Not. These past two weeks have been terrible. I was not under pressure from school or anything. Ok I always am but that’s not the reason these past two weeks have been terrible. I was just really down. Something happened and it just took all my energy. But anyways let us talk about something light this time.

I met with my girls over the weekend, and we don’t get to do that all the time because two of the girls live further away, one was busy with exams, and everyone just generally trying to get through this scam called adulthood.

Meeting with my friends is always therapeutic. We hardly get the time to meet but whenever we do, it reminds me that having a good circle of friends is important because we all can’t get through life alone. We need people. And these girls have been there for me sand have always come through for me no matter what.

Anyways one of the topics that came up is of course relationship and men. So, Five of us, three with man and two with no man and of course those with man complain about their men and those without man complain that they cant find man. Not that anyone is actively looking for man, but it always seems like what we want, even those with man, is too much these days.

I am talking simple loyalty, a god fearing man, sprinkle a tiny weeny bit of romance in there, the right kind of love language. And don’t get wrong, even men be looking for “good women” these days and they don’t seem to find them, so the question came up: Where do these Instagram couples meet each other. Where do people meet these days.

It’s like men don’t know how to talk to girls these days because I cringe a lot when I see certain things. Men complain that women don’t treat them well and their efforts are taken for granted. So where does a good man meet a good woman and vice versa. It really can’t be that difficult right? Help a sister out. That ladies and gentlemen was the question of our day.

By the end of the evening, I learnt that love language is of utmost importance. Just because you say you love someone; does not mean they feel loved. We have to find the right balance between loving people the way we know and loving them the way they also would understand.

I learnt that it is ok to be happy and content on your own but also crave romantic intimacy with your own personal person. Not everyone who wants a romantic partner is lonely. I know from experience that having your own personal somebody where you feel 100% comfortable is an amazing feeling. The gossips, the inside jokes, everything.

I learnt that just because people are together doesn’t mean they are happy. But we are not ready to have that conversation. Forget that “aww they’ve been together for so long”. It’s a scam. I know quite a few relationships like this.

I learnt that what works for couple A mustn’t work for couple B. Please do you.

I learnt that it is not always the men. Sometimes women are trash !

I don’t know how many of you are having the same “issues” as my friends and I. We really cannot be the only ones who want to meet people but hardly go out and out put ourselves out there.  Don’t be like us if you want to find love. Go out and meet people and if youre like us, well may God help us.

At the end of the day, we all shall be fine. Must be fine. Until you meet your future Mr(S) perfect, Chin up and read Isaiah 41:10.

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I am busy.

I used to hate it when people don’t reply to my messages, but truth be told, I have become one of those people. Messages stay unopened and unanswered for days. I just don’t have the strength for it so what do I say, I am busy. “I’m sorry, I was busy” and yet I’m seen posting on my Instagram stories.

I lied and said I was busy. I am busy but not in the way most people might understand. I was busy calming a racing heart. I was busy taking deeper breaths. I was busy calming irrational thoughts. I was busy telling myself that I am okay. I was busy picking up every broken piece of myself that still needs fixing. I was busy running away from my fears and at the same time busy trying to face them.

I was busy wiping my tears and telling myself that my future is bright even though I feel suffocated right now. I was busy convincing myself that when the time is right, I will find happiness, both alone and with a good man who deserves me. I was busy telling convincing myself that I am not a disappointment and that I will shine when my time comes.

I was busy calming the storm around me. I was busy telling myself that this is just phase, and this too shall pass. I was busy telling myself that I am not a failure. I was busy trying to break down because I feel those tears about to run down my cheeks and I don’t even know why. I was busy telling myself I have every right to be here because I have purpose, I just haven’t found it yet. I was busy telling myself that I am enough even though people have made me believe otherwise. I was busy beating myself up about not having a productive day. I was busy beating myself up about being behind in life. I was busy comparing myself to my mates who seem to be ahead of me.

I was busy mourning a failed relationship that I thought would last forever this time. I was busy mourning all the people that I thought would be there forever but have become strangers to me. I was busy telling myself that there is nothing wrong with me. I was busy telling myself that I am hurting, healing, and growing all at once and that is uncomfortable. I was busy telling myself that I am good mother. I was busy…. !

Sometimes this is my busy and I will not apologize for it.

Idea: @christi.steyn

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What did I do right this week?

What did I do wrong??

This question pops up all the time. It seems to be the first things that comes to mind when things go south or when they just don’t go as planned. we are so quick to condemn ourselves, be harsh on ourselves.

I was scrolling through Instagram and I came across one Profil I follow and really like, @toeverymom, and she does this poll every Friday, asking mothers what they did right and she tells her followers what she did right.

I loved the idea because even I am very quick to list a bunch of things I could have done differently to get my desired outcome and so I gained inspiration from her poll and thought for week, I would share 5 things I did right this week.

  1. I came back to life. LMAO please I did not die. I cannot die and I will not die. I will live and declare the works of the Lord. Yes that is the African in me quoting Psalm 118:17. What i mean by that is, I have been hiding in my little shell for quite some weeks now. I didn’t check on people and avoided most of my incoming calls and messages. I do this when I feel overwhelmed (with emotions). When things become too much, I just shut down and only communicate when it’s inevitable. However, this week I got back to quite a few people. I picked calls and responded to messages. The returning calls is still not really working and to be honest, it’s not something I want to work on right now. Bad habit.
  2. I celebrated my son’s birthday. There was no party just him, his two little friends, some gifts, some balloons and a cake. But I celebrated him and while I was celebrating him, I also celebrated myself because I am doing this alone. I keep showing up even on days I don’t feel like. I hold it down even on days when I want to be taken care of. I took a trip down memory and it reminded me of my strength and perseverance. I was reminded that this period was nothing but a phase and this too shall pass.
  3. I hung out with my friends. This might not sound like a big deal but people who know me are very aware of my anti-social behavior. I am the queen of cancellation. Besides that, I had a very busy and short weekend, so I didn’t get much time for myself, so me not cancelling was a proud moment for me. I allowed myself to have fun and enjoy the company of my girls whom I hadn’t seen in a long time.
  4. Satan tried and failed. You know when you’re in your corner, trying to have an ok time and just overall minding your own business and the devil is thinking hmm this child has had quite a bit of peaceful time, let me send her a little sum sum. Well, he actually tried it. He sent one of his minions to test me and he failed. utterly. I did not allow anything to invade my peace of mind because my peace of mind is just priceless. I didn’t let that little moment of anger or negativity linger for too long because there’s no room for that here.
  5. I listened to some Praise and Worship. God and I have not been on good terms lately. Mainly because I grew impatient and was being ungrateful. I am human, I will be ignorant sometimes. I have not attended Bible study session in weeks. I find it hard to open my Bible and study the word. Listening to some gospel may not be a huge step but it’s a small step in the right direction and that’s what matters.

I don’t know why we are always in the habit of focusing on the negative thoughts, the negative actions, what’s going wrong in our lives. Let’s often challenge ourselves to change the lenses with which we see life and shift our focus to the things that are going right, use that as motivation to work on the things that are not so right because no condition is permanent. I sound like such a hypocrite but hey this is a challenge, even for me.

So, I challenge you to write down 5 things that you did right this week and every once in a while I will write about what I did right. Now chin up and read Isaiah 41:10.

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Love love love

Happy valentine’s day my lovelies. I believe I have mentioned this before, but for those who do not know let me say this again, I love love. There is nothing in this world that will make me not believe in love or make me to not want to fall in love. I have so much love to give so why waste that love. I am so in this valentine’s day, I do not even know why and yes I am listening to love songs for dramatic effect. You know how when you are sad, you listen to sad songs for more sadness…yes, I do both, do not judge me.

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Success = money?

I did not wake up with a positive mindset this morning. It is Friday, 05.02.2021, 10:47 am and I have locked myself in the toilet because my son will not stop crying. I am literally seconds away from crying myself. This is not a good day for him to throw his tantrums.

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