They say self-love is soft, kind, a gentle whisper, a peaceful mind.
But no one speaks of how it burns, how love for self means love that turns –
Turns from hands we once held tightly, turns from voices that once felt warm at night, turns from the easy lies- the ones that beg me to compromise –
Turns from half love, offered like a gift, turns from hands that take but never give.
Self love pulls me from familiar pain, from doors I swore I’d never have to turn my back on. It pulls me from love that bends me at my feet, from words that cut but sound so sweet.
Self love makes me leave the quiet pain, the weight of staying for their sake. From the smiles that mask what’s left unsaid. From nights I cried myself to sleep.
Self love is indeed not just soft, kind, a gentle reminder, a peaceful mind. It is not just light and grace. For I acknowledge that I hold so much hurt in my heart because many times I did not love myself enough to walk away.
Self love is standing firm, it is making space. It is knowing when to turn your back, when to close the door, when to walk alone, when to leave, when to heal and when to build that home by yourself.
Although difficult at times, many times in fact, it is something we all need to master to be able to give love to others, without it consuming us.
Hi lovelies, it’s been a hot minute. Hope you all are doing just fine.
You know how sometimes you aren’t happy but you’re also not unhappy, you’re just existing in between and just taking it as it comes…. Yeah, that has been me….
Lmao, who am I kidding, I’ve been stressed with a lot of necessary and unnecessary things and therefore I keep pouring from an almost empty cup. I recently found out that my dad has been trying to get a hold of me…don’t really know how to feel about that…
I should be sleeping. Its 2:48a.m, I haven’t gotten much sleep the whole week. However instead of sleeping, I let someone’s words and actions make me feel as though I was difficult to love…I’ve been in this position a few times in my life. But we love love around here so here are a few reminders, for you and me, of what love may look like.
love is a verb, hence it always requires action.
Sometimes love is as simple as just paying attention to the one in front of you
It’s in the genuine “text me when you get home”.
It’s in the “naah I can’t do the other person like this”.
It’s in the “I got you”.
It’s in the “Hey I’m just a little busy/occupied right now, I’ll text back as soon as I can”.
It’s in the “I know you’ve been feeling a little down lately, let me run you a bath”.
It’s in the “good morning beautiful, good morning handsome” text message.
It’s in the random “Hey I’m just thinking about you, what are you up”.
It’s in the “I remember you liked these, so I got them for you”.
It’s in the “Hey I booked us a table and a ticket to go watch something”.
It’s in the “I thought I’d cook us some food and we watch Netflix”.
It’s in the “Tell me everything about your day”.
It’s in the “What can I do to make you feel better”.
It’s in the random meme, picture, voice not and song that was sent.
It’s in the hug that lasted a little bit longer.
It’s in the comfortable silence.
It’s in the nonverbal thoughtful gesture.
It’s in the long train/bus/car/plane ride just to see you.
It’s in the updates while hanging out with friends individually.
It’s in the laughter.
It’s in the sadness.
It’s in the tears.
It’s in the compliments.
It’s in the dates at a fancy restaurant.
It’s in the dates at a diner.
It’s in the cuddles.
It’s in the trust.
It’s in the safety.
It’s in the genuine apology.
It’s in the forgiveness.
It’s in the healthy misunderstandings.
It’s in the respected boundaries.
It’s in the priorities.
It’s in the appreciation.
It’s in the vulnerability.
It’s in the reciprocity.
It’s in the friendship.
It’s in the honesty.
It’s in the prayers.
It’s in the transparency.
It’s in the accountability.
It’s in the mutual respect.
It’s in the “I may not understand what you’re going through, but you will not go through it alone”.
Its in every gesture that’s deemed little or/and insignificant because those are the ones that matter most.
I don’t know what love is, but I want to believe that some of these points make up a big part of it. It may be expressed differently depending on the person and the situation but the core value remains the same.
I’ve had this conversation with multiple people and no matter how many times we talk about this topic, we shall never make headway.
Why is it so difficult for friends and family to support you?
I started my Blog in December and to be honest, I am positively overwhelmed by the amount of love and feedback I have gotten so far. However, most of the love and feedback and ACTIVE support does not come from the people closest to me.
My friends read it and sometimes when they feel like it, a few friends share posts they like. I am not going to sit here and make it seem as if I haven’t had support from my friends, but you know the support that you need for something to blow up or for a business to succeed or whatever, yeah no. its not that kind of support.
I’ve always wondered the reason behind the discrepancy between them telling you they support you, and them actually showing you the support when you need it.
Is it jealousy? Envy? Competition? Because some of your closest folks are turn out to be your biggest haters.
Whatever the reason may be, I believe familiarity plays an immense role in this. We tend to take those around us for granted because we know them. We see them all the time. We have access to them. Whether conscious or unconsciously we just tend to take our loved ones for granted.
Any time I do a poll on Instagram most of the people that respond and engage are people that aren’t close to me. Most of the feedback I get are from people who I never thought would even read my blog but my closest are all legally blind when it comes to engagement.
See my advice is this, just do you honey. Because if you wait for friends and family to support you, thou shall only be hearing crickets……
Can you hear that…….. PURE CRICKETS! So, start that business, take that course, write that book, take that exam, apply for that job, take that calculated risk that you’ve been yearning to take because if you wait for somebody to support you, sorry to break it to you love, but the most support you’re going to get will most likely be from a stranger.
And you have to start somewhere for that stranger to see your work, right?
So, I leave you with this, support your friends’ businesses, don’t be an egoistic supporter. Don’t be an undercover hater. You supporting others, doesn’t diminish your own business ventures. Don’t just let them know you support them, show them by supporting in any way that you can. Supports come in different ways, so if you can’t spend coins, just support however else you can. Myself included.
And if you ever find yourself becoming envious and jealous of other people because they are excelling, kindly put your hand on your heart and say “Father forgive me, for I am witch/wizard”. Now chin up and read Isaiah 41:10.
I was speaking to an old friend who was asking about my dating life. Then the question came up, what kind of man are you looking for this time. My answer, short and simple: A Godly Man!
A few weeks ago, at bible studies, we spoke about relationships/courtships and what’s written in the bible about it. Before that session if you had asked me what I was looking for in a man, I would probably say a good man, kind, loving, a born-again Christian. It would have been a list.
That session however, made me realize that a “good man” simply won’t cut it! Yes, I said it. A good man is just not good enough. Allow me to explain.
Up until last year even, I would have called myself a good woman and therefore, a good man would have been enough. But I’ve come to the realization that I don’t want to be a good woman anymore. It’s just not enough.
I want to be a great woman. I want to be a phenomenal woman. I want to make things happen and what better way to do all those things than to just work towards becoming a godly woman. A Proverbs 31 woman.
A godly woman deserves a godly man. A man filled with the fruit of the spirit. For those who aren’t familiar with it, go read Galatians 5:22. The passage says the fruit of the IS! not the fruit of the spirit ARE. But it uses a singular term which means that a godly man/woman must have all those qualities!
Someone once said to me that I didn’t possess the characteristics of a woman. Soft, meek, nurturing, SUBMISSIVE etc.
Since I started my journey of self-discovery and self-betterment, I have realized that, that statement was totally wrong. Yes, I am a woman of strong character and I have very strong opinions and I can acknowledge the fact that it may come across as arrogance (which I am working on) but one thing is for sure I can never in this life submit to a man without a vision and a mission. Come and beat me. I said it.
I can never submit to wasted potential! I can never submit to a man who’s not striving for greatness! I can never submit to a man, who does not want to be a husband! (There’s a huge difference between a man seeking for a wife and a man who actually wants to be a husband).
I can go on and on about the qualities of a godly man but then again, a godly man also deserves a godly woman.
So recently my prayer points have changed, and they have become about myself!
I pray that God makes me teachable and submissive.
Like Ruth, I pray he makes me hard-working.
Like Esther, I pray he makes me brave and courageous.
Like Rachel, I pray he makes me patient.
Like Hannah and Mary Magdalene, I pray he makes me faithful to his word.
Like Deborah, I pray he makes me a great and compassionate leader.
Above all, I pray to become a Proverbs 31 woman!
My prayer points have become about myself because I cannot demand for a man that I am not prepared for. God will not shower you with blessings when you are not ready to receive them, so I have to be prepared.
Lastly, my prayers are about myself because a godly man knows he also has work to do, which he will, and it will be between himself and God!
While you’re working on becoming a godly (wo)man, don’t forget to chin up and read Isaiah 41:10.
Have you ever experienced love in its pure form? That deep unconditional love. That love that chooses you over and over again, everyday without fail, no matter what? I love Love. Being loved by the right person is such a huge blessing I believe everyone should experience in their lifetime. I love romance, I love to see people being healthily in love with their significant other, I catch myself wishing my love life was like that Instagram couple even though i am aware that i do not know what their lives actually is like. I just love love.
Happy new year my lovelies. We made it into the new year, I hope everyone crossed over healthy and happy despite the current pandemic. As usual I guess we all make new years resolutions, some write down their goals, some make long term goals and some short term. Whatever the case may be, I pray that all your heart desires come to pass, I pray that the will of God be manifested in all your lives.
One day at a time 