Tag: relationship

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Love and Romantic Relationships

Love Love Love Part 2

Hi lovelies, it’s been a hot minute. Hope you all are doing just fine.

You know how sometimes you aren’t happy but you’re also not unhappy, you’re just existing in between and just taking it as it comes…. Yeah, that has been me….

Lmao, who am I kidding, I’ve been stressed with a lot of necessary and unnecessary things and therefore I keep pouring from an almost empty cup. I recently found out that my dad has been trying to get a hold of me…don’t really know how to feel about that…

I should be sleeping. Its 2:48a.m, I haven’t gotten much sleep the whole week. However instead of sleeping, I let someone’s words and actions make me feel as though I was difficult to love…I’ve been in this position a few times in my life. But we love love around here so here are a few reminders, for you and me, of what love may look like.

love is a verb, hence it always requires action.

Sometimes love is as simple as just paying attention to the one in front of you

It’s in the genuine “text me when you get home”.

It’s in the “naah I can’t do the other person like this”.

It’s in the “I got you”.

It’s in the “Hey I’m just a little busy/occupied right now, I’ll text back as soon as I can”.

It’s in the “I know you’ve been feeling a little down lately, let me run you a bath”.

It’s in the “good morning beautiful, good morning handsome” text message.

It’s in the random “Hey I’m just thinking about you, what are you up”.

It’s in the “I remember you liked these, so I got them for you”.

It’s in the “Hey I booked us a table and a ticket to go watch something”.

It’s in the “I thought I’d cook us some food and we watch Netflix”.

It’s in the “Tell me everything about your day”.

It’s in the “What can I do to make you feel better”.

It’s in the random meme, picture, voice not and song that was sent.

It’s in the hug that lasted a little bit longer.

It’s in the comfortable silence.

It’s in the nonverbal thoughtful gesture.

It’s in the long train/bus/car/plane ride just to see you.

It’s in the updates while hanging out with friends individually.

It’s in the laughter.

It’s in the sadness.

It’s in the tears.

It’s in the compliments.

It’s in the dates at a fancy restaurant.

It’s in the dates at a diner.

It’s in the cuddles.

It’s in the trust.

It’s in the safety.

It’s in the genuine apology.

It’s in the forgiveness.

It’s in the healthy misunderstandings.

It’s in the respected boundaries.

It’s in the priorities.

It’s in the appreciation.

It’s in the vulnerability.

It’s in the reciprocity.

It’s in the friendship.

It’s in the honesty.

It’s in the prayers.

It’s in the transparency.

It’s in the accountability.

It’s in the mutual respect.

It’s in the “I may not understand what you’re going through, but you will not go through it alone”.

Its in every gesture that’s deemed little or/and insignificant because those are the ones that matter most.

I don’t know what love is, but I want to believe that some of these points make up a big part of it. It may be expressed differently depending on the person and the situation but the core value remains the same.

Make sure to chin up and read Isaiah 41:10.

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It’s ok to expect certain things from certain people.

“Nobody owes to anything”- I call BS on that. This useless mentality that you don’t owe nobody anything destroys a lot of good things.

Bare in my mind, this is just my opinion so if you do not agree, well opinions are like assholes, we all have them.

I believe that certain decisions come with baggage that you just must fulfill. Yes, to some extent, we all don’t owe anybody anything but how tragic would life be if we all lived by this mentality.

It is ok to expect certain things from certain people. The keyword here is “certain things from certain people”, please not from everybody because some people constantly disappoint. I call them career disappointers. Plus, there are certain things you just can’t expect from e.g. strangers or people who aren’t really close to you.

If someone decides its time for them to settle down, get married or whatever, your partner is allowed to expect things from you and you my friend should be able to deliver at least the basic things. Like loyalty/faithfulness, trust, commitment, communication etc. These are certain things that automatically come with the decision of wanting to settle down with one person and have a committed relationship.

If someone decides to keep a child and raise, you as a parent owe that child everything it needs to grow until the child gets to a certain age where he/she can fend for themselves. Its doesn’t always go without saying that things are going to be easy but the least you can do is try and do your best.

You owe any kind of relationship, that’s important to you, nurturing. You owe it to your friends to be there for them. Your friends should expect you to be there for them because if that relationship is not serving its purpose, then what’s the point?

Every relationship is a give and take. In a fair world, what you put in, is what you get out.

However, know the people you are expecting things from. I have certain that I’ve stopped calling when I need something urgently. Yes, I get disappointed when I feel the need to talk or share something heavy and I call and they don’t pick (especially because these are people who always have their phones in their hands and always like stuff on Instagram in 0.2 seconds but whenever I call, they coincidentally never pick) and that’s ok, at least I have learnt to shift my expectations to somewhere else. I know exactly who I can call when I need something in 0.2 seconds.

Yes, it is true, you get disappointed when you expect things from people. And its ok for people to disappoint. We are human beings after all. Sometimes we need time to ourselves but when they constantly disappoint you in a certain department then maybe its time to shift focus or address the issue, if it hasn’t been addressed before?

Point is, a healthy amount of expectation is ok to have in any form of relationship. Just don’t expect (too much) from the wrong people. Now, chin up and read Isaiah 41:10.

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Relationship Saga

Heeey my lovelies, I feel like it’s been forever! I just haven’t been inspired lately plus I’ve had a crappy week. I hope you guys are doing better than I am. I literally cried myself to sleep last night. Yes, that is how bad it is.

Mind you I never cry for one reason; it was all my feelings that I had been bottling in that got triggered by one thing and then everything just comes out.

But my friend and I had this very interesting discussion about relationships because when is someone not going through relationship stuff right!?

How many times does one have to forgive (the same) behavior before deciding to stay or let go?

How many times do we have to have a conversation about the same things before deciding that the relationship is not improving?

At what point does a relationship become toxic?

Is there an exact moment for these things?

In my course of dating, I have been lied to, I have lied, I have rejected, and I have been rejected, I even caught a guy that I liked sexting with his ex. The whole inappropriate texting was not the first time that had happened to me, and it made me so paranoid.

Point of correction, I have trust issues! When it happened to me the first time, I didn’t let go, I had developed the “he didn’t sleep with her” mentality (at least as far I knew of, he hadn’t slept with her/them yet).

When it happened again, the sexting itself was minor comparing to what really hurt me. It was someone we had extensive conversations about, someone “who didn’t mean anything”, as human beings like to say,

I could actually go and on about this matter because I have the ability to put myself back in a situation and feel everything again but we move.

Now sometimes I find myself wondering if I have become a toxic partner. I wonder if I project my fears and insecurities on to people who probably don’t deserve it. I guarantee you that I have not always been like this but it seems pain changes some things about you.

But why can’t human beings just be faithful tho……. Ok now I’m drifting from my initial thought

Back to my initial thought, we see so many couples who have been together for years and yet they are so unhappy, African parents are prime example, most of us kids boast of how our grandparents and parents were married for 30+ years and we also saw how unhappy they were, we saw how grandpa and daddy had 5 other concubines outside, suddenly mummy is raising a child that isn’t hers. A lot of the men from generations before us were physically and emotionally abusive, yet we label them “strong”.

So, I ask again, when do you hold on and when do you let go?

I’ve always admired people who have worked on their relationship and came back stronger, it doesn’t matter what threw them off course, but does it mean that the one who decided to let took the easy way out?

I find it interesting that most romantic relationship issues are mostly internal. The weapon fashioning against most relationships is always at least one person in the relationship.

Someone is either lying, cheating, not communicating effectively, not listening, texting other people, hiding their partner, not giving enough attention and so many other things. Can we just love each other and let the weapon fashioning against us actually come from outside and not from within?

Oh well I wish us all luck out here because its not easy. Don’t go creating fake scenarios and hurt your feelings (I am the queen of this).

Oooooh if you thought I had an answer to the above-mentioned questions, sorry I don’t. I just wing it myself. Hell, I’ve been cheated on when I should have seen the signs so if you have any Tipps for me, let a sis know.

Until we all find our soulmates in this life, we chin up and read Isaiah 41:10.