Tag: parenthood

For the most part of my life I’ve always believed the saying that it takes a village to raise a child. My mother had a village when she was raising me so I grew up with present aunties, uncles, cousins, neighbors and their kids. I knew the bread seller by name and I would just casually chill with the woman who sold plantain in front of our gate. I grew up with a village. My mother never had to find someone to watch me, talk more of paying a babysitter….so yes I grew up with a village and it was beautiful for the most part.

You’re supposed to have a village because in the end nobody is meant to do it alone. Atleast that’s what I thought right…….. WRONG

Stop telling mothers, who are raising their kids by themselves that it takes it takes a village because most of us (especially the ones living abroad) just don’t have that village for various reasons. That statement is just a reminder that we’re doing it on our own when we’re not meant to, myself included.

It takes two people to make a baby but somehow it’s mostly the woman left stuck with the consequences. My co parent doesn’t co parent or in his definition and I quote he co parents when our son is „living with him“ which has been nothing this year. My sisters are all far away and so are the rest of my family members. Most of my friends don’t even live in the same city. And even if these people were to live close by, all these people work and they have lives so nobody is coming to your rescue while you take a 2 hour nap because you just need recuperating.

Back home there was a huge sense of community. My mum left me with aunties the whole day, we were allowed to go out and play with the kids in the area as long as you were back home before it got dark but here in Europe there’s no community. The most you see of your neighbors is when they are snooping out the window trying to be the next witnesses in a police case. I don’t even know my neighbor talk more of trusting them with my child……

Nobody is coming to rescue you from your repetitive daily chores and unfortunately for most of us, we have to sit there and the only thing that keeps us going is the hope that some day it will get better.

So no, there is no village. If you happen to have a village, you must be one of god’s favorites. I and many other mothers, even the ones who have their partners in their lives and are living together, have no village. I have two very wonderful mummy friends who help me whenever they can and a loving family who help me on weekends I need to get away but even they are 2 hours away…

For those of you who have a village, I love it for you. For those of us who chose the wrong man to have children with, god is our strength 😂 whatever the case may be, chin up and read Isaiah 41:10.

It’s like I have a lot to say yet speechless at the same time.

My son turned 5. Another 365 days that I’ve gone through raising him myself.

27weeks I carried this boy, of which 8 were very traumatic. I remember it like it was yesterday. If you’re expecting this write up to be about how much of a good boy he is (which he is btw) or how proud I am of him (which I am), then sorry to disappoint you. This is about me! How proud I am of me because I do the work! Me and nobody else.

I remember being very sad about the fact that I couldn’t throw him a birthday party 2 years ago because we didn’t have space, last year it was because we had just moved and I hadn’t furnished the apartment yet.

“This was the best birthday” was what he told me after all his friends had left the house. That was enough to make everything absolutely worth it.

His little smile was worth getting soaked in the rain while going to pick up his cake.

His laughter all throughout the day was worth the money spent on food, drinks and gifts.

His excitement was worth going to bed at 3a.m after decorating the house and waking up at 6a.m to bake pretzels for his kindergarten group.

His happiness was worth every effort that went into planning and hosting his friends and their parents.

I said this post was about me and yet I just spoke about his feelings…. I can’t help it. He practically comes first, even before me. But I am proud of me for doing this for him. I am an extreme introvert therefore this didn’t come naturally to me. So here we go…

I am proud of me for doing this parenting thing for 5 years.

I am proud of me for parenting solo for 3 years now.

I am proud of me because my child is always perceived to be intelligent and happy. I cannot think of a better compliment to receive as a mother.

I am proud of me for putting his needs above mine even when I Dont feel like it.

I am proud of me for being the present parent.

I am so damn proud of me for overcoming all the sleepless nights for whatever reason.

I am so damn proud that my child lacks nothing, no matter how little I may have.

I am so damn proud of me for being the default, present and active parent and I handle it gracefully even though the crown is heavy.

I am so damn proud of me for overcoming 100% of my bad days.

I am just particularly proud that no matter what I mention that gets done, I do it SOLO.

Isn’t it funny how I get to run around for 3 days making last minute preparations, driving from one place to the other picking up things, staying up late to decorate, waking up early to bake his favorite snack for him to take to kindergarten, I get to do all these things and a lot more on a daily basis while the “co-parent”get to post a lot of happy birthday pictures in the early hours of the afternoon, but calls at 8pm and decides to be a “dad” for exactly 5 minutes.

So yes, I have been holding in so many tears that got released today now that the birthday is finally over and with those tears my anger has been released for now. So when I emphasize on parenting Solo, best believe that it is personal.

Let’s add another bible verse to the game shall we, Jeremiah 29:11. This is the verse of the week because I need to remind myself that there’s a plan that I am yet to understand. Still make sure to chin up and read Isaiah 41:10