There’s a pattern I’ve noticed, one we don’t talk about enough – We hold our girlfriends to higher standards then we hold our boyfriends. we demand emotional intelligence from our sisters and make excuses for the emotions immaturity of men.
A homegirl forgets to call back and she’s “inconsistent”. she sets a boundary and now she’s “acting funny”. She misses your birthday dinner once and it’s “See, this why I don’t fuck with too many females.” She doesn’t support a decision you take, suddenly she’s “a hater”
But that man? He can cancel, lie, disappear, come back with half an apology and a joke – we entertain it. We let him stay. We hope he gets better. Because “He’s just a guy”. Because “men aren’t wired like us”. Because “men aren’t emotional like us”. Because “men weren’t taught to express their emotions”. Because, well “at least he tried”.
We cradle men like fragile little boys, as if they were born without moral compasses. As if accountability is too heavy for their hands. We love them through their worst, and yet expect perfection from our girlfriends.
its no wonder female friendships are often more complicated. We expect more from ourselves. More honesty. More communication. More maturity. More transparency. More grace – grace we rarely give in return.
And maybe it’s because our friendships do mean more. they feel deeper, more raw, more reflective of ourselves. so when they disappoint us, it cuts sharper. But still – why is our patience for men bottomless, while our patience for our girlfriends paper thin?
Why do we give these men one hundred chances to grow but cancel a friend for a misstep? Perhaps, it’s time to ask ourselves the hard questions: Do we see women as whole humans – flawed, evolving, and worthy of grace? Or do we only extend compassion to the ones we want to save? Because here’s the truth:
Your friend shouldn’t have to show up flawlessly to be loved. She shouldn’t have to explain her every feeling to be understood. She shouldn’t be disposable just because she made a mistake. (And yes, there’s levels to what we categorize as mistakes).
Let’s stop romanticizing male incompetence and demonizing female imperfection. Let’s hold space for the women who have held space for us. Let’s give ourselves the kind of grace we keep giving everyone else. By everyone else, I am referring to that dusty baby father of yours that has cheated on you multiple times, hasn’t supported any of your ideas, hasn’t considered you since 1984, most likely hasn’t married you and just gives you anxiety. By everyone else, I am referring to that man who keeps going and coming just to see if he still has access and lo and behold. By everyone else, I am referring to that man who may even be a nice man but barely ticks off the bare minimum….baby girl the same way that man is just a man. Your friend equally is just a woman. Equally living and learning. Let’s start giving each other the grace we give these men.
We give them grace because we love them. Do you not love your female friends? Is your friend not worth forgiving? Is your friendship not worth saving? Every relationship dynamic needs work. Yes, that includes friendships between women. Let’s do better and be gracious to ourselves. Because your girlfriends? They deserve your softness too.
One day at a time 