For the most part of my life I’ve always believed the saying that it takes a village to raise a child. My mother had a village when she was raising me so I grew up with present aunties, uncles, cousins, neighbors and their kids. I knew the bread seller by name and I would just casually chill with the woman who sold plantain in front of our gate. I grew up with a village. My mother never had to find someone to watch me, talk more of paying a babysitter….so yes I grew up with a village and it was beautiful for the most part.
You’re supposed to have a village because in the end nobody is meant to do it alone. Atleast that’s what I thought right…….. WRONG
Stop telling mothers, who are raising their kids by themselves that it takes it takes a village because most of us (especially the ones living abroad) just don’t have that village for various reasons. That statement is just a reminder that we’re doing it on our own when we’re not meant to, myself included.
It takes two people to make a baby but somehow it’s mostly the woman left stuck with the consequences. My co parent doesn’t co parent or in his definition and I quote he co parents when our son is „living with him“ which has been nothing this year. My sisters are all far away and so are the rest of my family members. Most of my friends don’t even live in the same city. And even if these people were to live close by, all these people work and they have lives so nobody is coming to your rescue while you take a 2 hour nap because you just need recuperating.
Back home there was a huge sense of community. My mum left me with aunties the whole day, we were allowed to go out and play with the kids in the area as long as you were back home before it got dark but here in Europe there’s no community. The most you see of your neighbors is when they are snooping out the window trying to be the next witnesses in a police case. I don’t even know my neighbor talk more of trusting them with my child……
Nobody is coming to rescue you from your repetitive daily chores and unfortunately for most of us, we have to sit there and the only thing that keeps us going is the hope that some day it will get better.
So no, there is no village. If you happen to have a village, you must be one of god’s favorites. I and many other mothers, even the ones who have their partners in their lives and are living together, have no village. I have two very wonderful mummy friends who help me whenever they can and a loving family who help me on weekends I need to get away but even they are 2 hours away…
For those of you who have a village, I love it for you. For those of us who chose the wrong man to have children with, god is our strength 😂 whatever the case may be, chin up and read Isaiah 41:10.
One day at a time 