A few weeks or months ago my so called co parent mentioned that he had moved back to the UK for his mental health. The luxury of being able to put your mental health above your son…..unfortunately when one parent bails the other has to step up. Fortunately or unfortunately I’m the one who had to step up. Evidently my mental health is a secondary concern.
I got reminded of that statement today because it would seem my mental health is on the verge of a collapse but unfortunately for me I don’t get the luxury of putting my mental health first so I dit here and write this hoping to feel better at the end, which is less likely to happen because this hamster wheel needs to keep spinning and I’m the hamster doing all the laps.
Now why did I remember this mental health statement today,……my son said good morning today and immediately proceeded to ask me when his father would pick him because his father keeps giving him false hopes that they would see soon…… soon being 3-4 months (atleast that’s what he claims)
Who gets to explain that, his father is in fact not coming to pick him up. I have to come up with excuses all day because I cannot say what’s on my mind which is your deadbeat dad don’t even wanna come pick you up. He lying. He ready to put your safety at risk for a few hundred pounds…..
It is exhausting trying to protect a child from information that will hurt his feelings.
Today I bought these very unnecessary overpriced sand toys because well it’s summer, there’s pools and playgrounds so these toys are a necessity, atleast for a 5 year old…does he care that I had just come from work and had been up since sunrise, no he doesn’t and quite frankly he doesn’t have to. I could have used my money to buy myself some breakfast for work the next day, no he doesn’t…..
He broke one of the Tonies that he had borrowed from the library, I had to pay for it.
I have exactly 30 minutes to pick him up from kindergarten after work and if I miss either my train or my bus, I run a sprint and I mean that literally
I could go on and on about how repetitive yet exhausting my day is and every night I sit with my though and wonder if I’m a good mother while he just moved for his mental health without considering how it would affect his child. I wish I had such luxury but here I am reminding myself of John 13:7, Jeremiah 29:11 and of course my go to, Isaiah 41:10 because if it wasn’t for certain bible verses….. only God knows………
One day at a time 