It’s like I have a lot to say yet speechless at the same time.
My son turned 5. Another 365 days that I’ve gone through raising him myself.
27weeks I carried this boy, of which 8 were very traumatic. I remember it like it was yesterday. If you’re expecting this write up to be about how much of a good boy he is (which he is btw) or how proud I am of him (which I am), then sorry to disappoint you. This is about me! How proud I am of me because I do the work! Me and nobody else.
I remember being very sad about the fact that I couldn’t throw him a birthday party 2 years ago because we didn’t have space, last year it was because we had just moved and I hadn’t furnished the apartment yet.
“This was the best birthday” was what he told me after all his friends had left the house. That was enough to make everything absolutely worth it.
His little smile was worth getting soaked in the rain while going to pick up his cake.
His laughter all throughout the day was worth the money spent on food, drinks and gifts.
His excitement was worth going to bed at 3a.m after decorating the house and waking up at 6a.m to bake pretzels for his kindergarten group.
His happiness was worth every effort that went into planning and hosting his friends and their parents.
I said this post was about me and yet I just spoke about his feelings…. I can’t help it. He practically comes first, even before me. But I am proud of me for doing this for him. I am an extreme introvert therefore this didn’t come naturally to me. So here we go…
I am proud of me for doing this parenting thing for 5 years.
I am proud of me for parenting solo for 3 years now.
I am proud of me because my child is always perceived to be intelligent and happy. I cannot think of a better compliment to receive as a mother.
I am proud of me for putting his needs above mine even when I Dont feel like it.
I am proud of me for being the present parent.
I am so damn proud of me for overcoming all the sleepless nights for whatever reason.
I am so damn proud that my child lacks nothing, no matter how little I may have.
I am so damn proud of me for being the default, present and active parent and I handle it gracefully even though the crown is heavy.
I am so damn proud of me for overcoming 100% of my bad days.
I am just particularly proud that no matter what I mention that gets done, I do it SOLO.
Isn’t it funny how I get to run around for 3 days making last minute preparations, driving from one place to the other picking up things, staying up late to decorate, waking up early to bake his favorite snack for him to take to kindergarten, I get to do all these things and a lot more on a daily basis while the “co-parent”get to post a lot of happy birthday pictures in the early hours of the afternoon, but calls at 8pm and decides to be a “dad” for exactly 5 minutes.
So yes, I have been holding in so many tears that got released today now that the birthday is finally over and with those tears my anger has been released for now. So when I emphasize on parenting Solo, best believe that it is personal.
Let’s add another bible verse to the game shall we, Jeremiah 29:11. This is the verse of the week because I need to remind myself that there’s a plan that I am yet to understand. Still make sure to chin up and read Isaiah 41:10
One day at a time 