New Year, Redefined Me

Hi lovelies, is it too late to wish you happy new year? I suppose it is but I’ll do it anyways, Happy New Years my darlings, it’s been a hot minute hasn’t it. I hope all of you are well, I’ve been through a series of emotions, seasonal depression, sadness, numbness but also gratitude. A whole lot of things to be thankful for. Looking back at last year, I can boldly say it’s the first year in a long time that I was able to accomplish some goals that I had set out for at the beginning of the year. But you know how it goes with us humans, we’re ingrates. Something you’ve been praying for happens and instead of taking a few moments to soak it in, it’s on to the next forgetting that you’re always living in one of your prayer points.

Can we deep that for a second, you are literally always living in one of your prayer points, wether it be a roof over your head, food on your table, clothes on your back and a lot more specific prayers, you are always living in one of your prayer points.

Will it sound unambitious if I said that I have no set goals this year? At least not in the way that you may think. Yes I want to progress in life and have all the good stuff life has to offer career wise but this year I choose to focus on my personal life. I choose to focus on some of my character traits that need working on and trust me there’s a few. I’m not gonna start naming them here but it became very clear to me when I was speaking to a friend and a few days later I realized I had over shared. It wouldn’t have been a bad thing few years ago but I just realized that this particular friend just didn’t share as much with me anymore as they used to. They didn’t invite me to something that was a milestone in their life. It showed me that I had to stay in my lane and realize that a lot of my friendship dynamics had changed and it was ok. Friends don’t stay close forever. It showed me that I don’t have to overplay my role in people’s lives.

Btw I made a story on my instagram asking “my followers” to give me some ideas on what to write about because let’s face it writers block is real (LOL am I even a writer!?) Trust and believe that post went right past every one, I kid you not, everyone you would think would jump on a train to support me. But even that is ok. I will not expect anything anymore and I say that in the most kindest and with most love in my heart.

If you do not support me the way that I support you or the way that I have supported you that is ok. I am learning to not feel entitled to my “friends” time, support, Information, life update….. whatever it is, name it. People can only share what they feel comfortable sharing. And with this said friend that I mentioned earlier I’ve also noticed that things we would normally freely talk about, now all of a sudden they are not comfortable sharing or whatever it is. And that is ok.

Notice how I’m saying a lot of that is ok, that’s because really and truly in life, the harsh truth is that you have no choice than to learn to be ok with how things turn out. Especially when you have no control over them. It is ok. It will be ok. You have to make sure you are always ok enough to function and go about your life. Put your life on do not disturb, just like I put my iPhone on DND all the time. Call back when need be, text back when need be. Reach out to important people in your life. Anything that’s not worth it shouldn’t and will not have my and your attention.

Lol I said I wouldn’t name what I’m working on and here I am still writing some down…..

Above all, I’m learning to stay calm. Control my emotions. Focus on what I can control while still telling some humans to fuck off, respectfully of course. Focus on me and my personal growth.

I think I digressed a little bit but as the year goes we’ll talk more and more about the things I shall be working on. We may touch on subjects that I consciously avoided writing about last year for various reasons. Although it’s a new year, the motto stays the same, Chin up and read Isaiah 41:10.