I did not wake up with a positive mindset this morning. It is Friday, 05.02.2021, 10:47 am and I have locked myself in the toilet because my son will not stop crying. I am literally seconds away from crying myself. This is not a good day for him to throw his tantrums.
Anyways I was already not feeling today because I am once more beating myself up due to my insufficient funds in my bank account. I do not know why I woke up like this or why I cannot just block it out of my mind but that thought is just there. So many questions and my son decide to ask for bread and not finish it (which is why he is crying by the way, HYSTERICALLY) and that just frustrated me even more, like no, I do not have money to buy groceries just for you to waste them…….ok that was me letting out my frustration
Speaking of money however, why do we measure success by the amount of money someone has in their bank account? Since when does success equate money. Do not get me wrong, I like money and even I am guilty of this thought process. Each time I think of my future and how successful I want to be, I mean I want to be rich. Not rich in wisdom, knowledge, I mean rich in cash. A fat bank account, a house bought by my own money, because I feel that way nobody will ever look down on me again, but is that really the case though? Maybe it is because my insufficient funds have been used against me before and I never want to feel that small again, maybe it is because society has put such a huge value on money that we now tell people who are low in funds to “get their shit together” because they have no business being in relationships and I am guilty of this as well. I do not think I have any business being in a relationship because I fear that my partner will use that against me. He will get tired, I will be a burden to him because I do not have money for dates, I do not have money for trips around the world, I cannot afford gifts and all the good stuff that two people do when they are in love ….
But what happens to my other qualities, what happens to being kind, having manners, fearing God, not being lazy, striving to be better, having the mental capacity to hold someone else down, being supportive and all other good qualities someone might have, are all those useless because someone does not have money? I have come to believe that as a woman you must have your own shit, I have always believed that but now even more because human beings are unpredictable. I guess having a mindset of not wanting someone else to take care of you, is a good place to start. Work towards your betterment in every way possible and I guess we all will be just fine at the end of the day. I hope so at least. And my son has stopped crying, I think it is time for me to go back out and continue the day. So, you chin up and read Isaiah 41:10.
One day at a time 